In the same, way for the past 4 years I have lived constantly aware that at any moment my husband could choose his path of sin again. Just like I had no control over cancer’s destructive path, I also have no control over the choices of my husband.
During those hard days with cancer I struggled to learn how to have peace and find joy even when the circumstances around us seemed so grim. I began to find joy in little things. Such as the time, 5 days before Seth died, when I drove Seth for some blood work. Due to the location of the brain tumor, he no longer could walk without holding my hand. As hard as it was to push away the fear of what the next season of life would bring, I was miraculously able to see that day as a blessing. I was learning how fragile life can be. I did not know if cancer was going to be victorious or not, but the one thing that was certain, I still had my son. And not only that, I was able to hold his hand as he stumbled into the hospital.
God has been challenging me to live my life in that same way. I do not know what the future holds for my husband nor for me, but the one thing I do know is that for today I still have my husband and he is living in integrity. For those who do not have a husband by your side anymore, I am so sorry! I no longer have my son’s hand to hold, so I know how difficult loss can be. Seeing blessings through the eyes of a grieving heart can be strenuous, but it is still possible.
There was a saying that I read when my son was going through his treatment.
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
Storms of life might seem like they linger on, but we have a choice to make. Do we allow ourselves to live in the fear of the future or find joy and peace even in the midst of the rain?