So the question remains; how can you regain the trust that disappeared the moment your husband’s secret life was revealed? In the book Betrayal and Beyond the author Lisa Taylor is quoted as saying “The only way to pull the anchor out of the murky waters of confusion and lies is to begin to believe the behavior and not the words.” Actions become the way to see the truth in one’s heart! Husbands who have used lies to protect their sinful lifestyle now have wives who harbor the idea that words hold little or no value.
I was that wife. The “I love you’s” suddenly were just letters put together to form words. My ears heard empty statements while my husband tried to convince me that he was now living a pure lifestyle. As much as I wanted to be wrapped with the safety of his words I also knew that he was now a man I could not trust.
Yes, words are important, but speaking them carelessly without actions leaves one seeing little evidence of honesty. Trust needs to start evolving from being innocent to intentional, needing a vigilant eye to see each small moment that proves worthy of the assurance of safety. Sometimes people have expectations that trust will suddenly appear, like a magical poof of smoke, yet the reality is that trust is rebuilt little by little.
If a husband is doing his part by proving to be faithful and trustworthy then it is the wife’s responsibility to do hers. For me that meant taking the label of “destroyer of my heart” off of my spouse and being ok with going to that uncertain place of vulnerability. I needed to take my eyes off the devastation and begin to discern if his actions were lining up with his words. The more that happened the more intentional I became with letting him into my world.
There is an old saying that goes.... the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time... and I am going to add that the only way to rebuild trust is one honest moment at a time.