For most men who suffer from sexual addiction, wounds that were received during their childhood years can become detrimental. These boys who were not able to understand how to deal with such deep pain eventually become adults. They have learned to detach themselves from reality whenever the pain from that wound is felt. Marsha Means, MA writes in Journey to Healing and Joy: A Workbook for Partners of Sexual Addicts, “And I’ve learned that inside nearly every grown up sex addict hides a wounded little boy - a little boy who still feels the pain of long-ago emotional wounds because he has never found healing.”
Eventually when they are faced with stress or emotional pain in life, their brains want to medicate the feelings with the “drug” dopamine. Which in turn leads to an addiction and becomes all-consuming with sexual thoughts, viewing porn and/or acting out.
A broken heart does not go away with the knowledge of what sexual addiction is, but it can help you to understand that you are not the problem nor did you fail your husband. It is not because you are not pretty enough or young enough, but it might be a deep wound in your husband’s heart that happened long before you met him. Even though you cannot control your husband’s choices, you do have control over your own healing.
*For a better understanding of the brain chemistry behind porn and sexual addiction, read Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain, by William Struthers.